anyone else who is in a happily committed relationship notice that people’s line for where the “honeymoon” phase ends just extends ever into the future like some ominous axe they keep insisting will fall?
in the beginning it was “oh your relationship is just starting!! of course you feel like she’s special and amazing, just wait a few months until the pattern of the relationship settles in”
then a few months later is “oh you haven’t even been together a full year yet, wait until you’ve been together that long”
then after a year it’s “well wait until you live together, that’s when it really happens- you’ll get annoyed by her habits and start taking things for granted”
then after living together for a year they’re like “well actually it happens after living together for five years”
I can’t help picturing myself in my 60s telling someone how breathtaking and wonderful my partner is and someone’s like “it’s cute how you’re still in that honeymoon phase, but just wait until you’re in your 70s, that’s when you really settle into the relationship”
made this post over 5 years ago so here’s the update: we’re married, we’ve been living together for over half a decade (through moving, multiple periods of unemployment for both of us, covid lockdowns, emergency room visits, surgery recovery, etc.), and I continue to be very much in love with her. she is so fucking smart and thoughtful and amazing, and she gets hotter and more stunning every single day. I still blush when she says sweet things to me.
Y'know, some people do have a strong crying response to stress, and they might cry (even against their own will) when faced with an upsetting situation and that doesnt mean they are “gaslighting” or “manipulating” you.
There are people who use crying as a manipulation tactic? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean that every person that cries during a heated argument is trying to get under your skin. They have their own emotions and issues, and frankly, not everything other people do is a personal attack on you.
People who use crying as a manipulation tactic are actually counting on you coddling them so they can redirect or avoid the conversation, meanwhile people who can’t control that they cry when they’re upset often struggle to be taken seriously because of their tears and find the coddling frustrating.
In either case, the best response is to ask if they need a moment to collect themself. If they say yes, agree to a time when you will continue the conversation and hold them to it. If they say no, continue on with the conversation exactly as if they were not crying.
Stg many conversations would be much easier if people would LISTEN when I say “yes I know I’m crying, please ignore it.”
me, finally getting a chance to say something I’ve thought about for twelve days straight: oh, hey, that reminds me, funny thing, this just came to mind but
